Never Gone
by The Color Gray
Summary: When her young patient begins to refuse treatment, and asks for a D.N.R to be signed, Teddy is faced with a difficult decision. **Sequel to "Never Say Die." Can be read together, or separately.** TW- Eating disorders, talk of suicide and assault. ONE SHOT


**"We break, when we fall too hard**

**Lose faith, when we're torn apart**

**Don't say, you're too far gone**

**It's a shame**

** It's a shame."**

* * *

"I swear to God Dr. Altman, I told you, I want the DNR!"

Teddy's 17 year old patient was suffering from severe thinning and weakness of her cardio thoracic muscles, and had thrown multiple P.E's in the last few weeks. Not to mention, in the _last few years._.. She was barely surviving. Often going into cardiac arrest and needing to be resuscitated. But with Teddy as her doctor, she was pulling through. Yet now, she was ready to give in. She didn't want to fight anymore.

Her heart issues were due to her eating disorder, something she wouldn't talk to Teddy about… until now.

Until Teddy spoke to her, she hadn't talked to anyone about it before. And she didn't really intend to.

She guessed it was now or _never_.

"Logan, may I ask why? Why do you want the DNR?"

Her patient sat stoically, her neck resting on the pillow behind her. Truthfully, she didn't want to answer, nor continue her conversation with Teddy in the first place. But for some reason, the words just slipped out.

"Because I wanna die ok?!" She yelled abruptly, startling Teddy.

"I wanna die."

Teddy was taken back by her statement. For all the reasons to sign a DNR, this was why? After all of the times she was saved, she wanted out. After everything they've done?

"Why?!" Teddy spat back exasperatedly. She cared for this patient, and didn't want to see her stop fighting.

"Look. Dr. Altman, you've been kind, but I have no family. I emancipated myself two years ago. No one cares. I'm all alone." Logan was holding back tears now. She rubbed her hand against her legs in a hard manner, trying to stop herself from sobbing.

"I'm alone."

"But you're not alone." Teddy interjected, trying to calm her down. Only, it didn't work.

"I don't have any family." Logan breathed. Her lips quivered as the tears started to flow. Teddy sat down on Logan's hospital bed, and inched her way closer to her. Once she was close enough, she began to rub her hand against her back.

She looked at her.

This young, beautiful, 17 year old girl, who was already thinking about ending her life. Who was alone in life, and without family... without a support system to recover with. Who was tired of fighting, and ready to leave this earth… And her heart shattered.

"You have me." Teddy said in a cheerful manner. "I might not be family, but I care about you." She answered softly, with a longing look of love in her eyes. Logan couldn't help but stare into them. They were kind, and good. Easy going and lovely.

Clearly, she didn't deserve this.

"That doesn't really change anything. I just want out." Logan was sobbing now. She brought her hand to her face, concealing her red cheeks. Concealing the puffy eyes that were now hidden by grey and darkness. Concealing the cheekbones that were so fragile they felt broken with every tap. _Concealing the mind numbing pain._

She couldn't do this anymore.

All she wanted was the DNR papers… because truth is, if something were to happen, she didn't want extreme measures. She could care less about fighting. She could care less about trying.

Teddy was furious now. She waved her hands back and forth for a moment before trying to answer the girls statement. "Why?! Why did you even do this to yourself in the first place?"

She didn't realize how harsh it sounded until Logan scoffed. She lifted her head up, and gave Teddy a sharp look.

"Look. I understand that people don't care about girls with eating disorders."

Teddy's eyes became wide.

She felt sorry for the way she responded, but she wanted to let the girl continue. "I guess they think that they're for attention? But mine… wasn't." Logan spat angrily, making Teddy sit up a bit straighter.

"So what did you do it for then?" Teddy asked. Her motherly voice was peeking through her stern doctor voice now.

She thought about Logan, and how her heart ached for her and her circumstances. She thought about her own baby girl Allison, and how truly awful it would be if she were to go through the same things. She prayed that she would love herself as much as Teddy loved her.

But she knows girls are insecure.

She knows that there's always a motive to harmful actions.

The day Allison starts to become insecure, is the day that Teddy's heart disintegrates.

"Because I hate my body ok?!" Logan paused herself, trying to catch her breath, and stop her tears simultaneously. Attempting to not let her inner darkness escape... but failing. She had been holding this in for so long, and the words wouldn't stop... no matter how hard she tried.

Teddy saw this answer coming, but it still didn't lessen the blow. Logan sighed heavily, and gave her a longing look."I hate my body... and I-I couldn't look at it anymore after what they had done to it."

Teddy's eyes turned towards her sharply.

"It wasn't mine anymore... It wasn't the same."

Teddy placed her hand onto Logan's back once more, trying to give the girl some comfort. But just as her fingers reached her spine, she pulled herself away. The motives behind her actions came into full view. She could tell that she must've felt dirty... unclean.. And the only way to have some sort of control over the situation, was to change it all.

Logan shivered, pulling the blankets up towards her chest.

She felt unsafe... uneasy.

She's never shared her story before.

With a deep exhale, she continued."If you get an eating disorder when you're skinny, you're checked on… you get help. If you get one and you're not skinny, you become a success story. An inspiration to people. How could I not fall in love with this unhealthy part of me, when it was the only interesting thing about me? No one cared that I wasn't healthy, Dr. Altman… they just cared that I wasn't fat anymore. I was easier to hit that way... too weak to resist. I just wish people would understand that."

Her words made Teddy's heart sink.

She moved closer, and this time, Logan didn't pull away.

Her anxiety began to ease.

Teddy was a good doctor.

_She was a good person._

Kind, easygoing, and generous.

It made Logan feel safe.

It made her calm... even thought she was on edge about opening up.

Something about Teddy just made it easy... the words came out easily. And she wasn't sure if she liked it or not.

"I lost my dad." Teddy breathed.

Logan turned over, her face softening, and her eyes glistening with tears. _Dr. Altman__ is too good,_ she thought.

"Then a year later I lost my mom, and a month later my best friend too. And around seven years after that, I lost my husband, who I had _just _married."

Logan's face became stern again, as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

She wasn't exactly sure how to respond.

_How do you respond to something like that? _

"I may not know what you're going through in particular, but I do know grief… And it sucks. Your family however, is clearly missing out on an amazing person."

Logan chuckled a little, before moving her hand over towards Teddy's leg. Teddy grabbed it, and held it close, tightly squeezing her fingers. "I'm so sorry they left you... And... i'm sorry that they did things to you."

The kind stare was in her eyes again.

It made Logan smile.

For the first time in a long time, she felt ok.

"It's ok. They sucked anyways." She said with a laugh.

Teddy let go of her hand, and moved her grip onto her shoulder, fixing her hospital gown slightly. "You will recover from this Logan. And i'll be here, every step of the way."

Logan adjusted herself, as she gave Teddy a nod. "Thank you Dr. Altman."

"Hey..." Teddy paused, as she made her way towards the door. She let her fingers touch the wall softly as she opened it. "Call me Teddy."

* * *

-Several_ months earlier-_

"What do we got?!" Teddy yelled as she kept the pace with an emergent trauma patient. Her first day back at work since Allison's birth, and there was already an intense case ahead of her.

"Logan Henderson. 17. Looks to have weakened and thinned cardio-thoracic muscles due to starvation. She was treated last week for a P.E." One of the paramedics spat quickly. Teddy grabbed the chart, only to see something worse. She's stayed in the hospitals eating disorder ward five separate times in the last two years… And she's still not recovered. She turned the chart over to Owen. "Did you see this?" She asked him in a concerned tone. "Yeah. I admitted her the first 3 times."

He wasn't surprised to be seeing her again. The girl never really fully recovered.

Once she was settled in her room, she started to wake up. Teddy greeted her gently. "Hi Logan. I'm Dr. Altman. Unfortunately you threw another P.E. and i'm going to have to admit you for a few days."

Logan groggily opened her eyes, and scanned the room. She pursed her chapped lips, as she ran her fingers over her forehead, rubbing her temple slightly. Her head was pounding, and her chest hurt like hell.

"Great, more doctors." She scoffed, her throat dry and sore. Teddy walked closer to her, trying to read her expression. She tilted her head sympathetically as Logan laid back further, sinking deeper into the mattress. "So. Your chart says you've been here five times."

Logan sat up, and met Teddy's eyes. "As long as you say the right things, and act the right way they'll release you. This system is flawed you know?" Her response made the entire atmosphere of the room change.

It felt dark.

Teddy's face twisted in confusion, as she stood floored by her abrupt response."Ok. Well, i'll be back to check on you in an hour?"

The girl didn't respond, or even gesture back to her. She just fiddled with her blanket, and kept her gaze low. Almost like she was disappointed in herself for ending up here again.

Teddy slowly walked out, her mind turning in all different directions. "Oh. You have Henderson?" A nurse asked as Teddy placed her chart down. She slowly gave the nurse a nod, along with a soft smile. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do. Why?" She shyly responded.

The nurse gave her a sad look. "The poor thing emancipated herself two years ago. Her parents were total assholes."

Teddy's eyes widened, as she pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'd be careful if I were you. She's damaged goods. I'm not even sure if she wants to get better." The nurse then walked away, leaving Teddy with this bomb of information.

She didn't even know what to say… let alone what to think. She emancipated herself at 15?!

Teddy thought about herself at 15.

She was barely able to go to the bathroom without her friends, and this girl was making her own medical decisions?

Something's gotta give for this.

Later that night, as they were finally out of work, and everything was winding down, she met Owen in the kitchen. He was doing the dishes slowly. His shirt was slightly wet, and his eyes were threatening to close.

"Owen?" She asked with a kiss. She embraced him from behind, letting her left arm swing against his waist. Her right wrapped tightly around his neck. "Do you know anything about Henderson's parents? Uh, Logan Henderson?" She added as she started to ramble.

Owen shook his head, struggling to give her an answer that wasn't riddled with sleep deprivation, and that actually made sense. "Yeah. They were… they weren't great. They... you know uh… they hit her." His mind trailed off, and he knew Teddy wasn't thinking clearly either. His voice softened, as Teddy's grip around his waist became tighter. "I wish there was something I could do." He whispered against her embrace. He kissed her forearm, trying to get a kiss back. Instead, she pulled away, startling him by her sudden movement. Her eyes became wide as her gaze met his troubled facial expressions. She wasn't a person who was hard to read, but for some reason, he couldn't see where this conversation was going.

"Maybe there is something we could do."

* * *

**Sooooo, how did you all like it? **

**If you're coming here from "Never Say Die," then welcome back! If you're not, then welcome! Y****ou don't have to read NSD in order to understand the story here, but if you would like to, go for it! :)**

**This fic title is based off of the song "Never Gone" by Colton Dixon... one of my favorites! (*I don't own the rights to the music*) **

**Hope you all stick around for what I'll be posting in the future. There's so much to come! **

**You're all amazing! **

**-Love, The Color Gray**

**Follow my twitter Mendozas_Closet for updates! **


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